Anthem for National Cheeseburger Day

On this National Cheeseburger Day, on the eve of a mayoral election, this song has never been more timely... LISTEN ON SOUNDCLOUD

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Frito-Lay MILES DAVIS CLASSIC Snacks

Try 9 New Varieties!

Kind of Blue Corn TOSTITOS

Kettle Cookin’ at the Plugged Nickel LAY’S

In a Salt & Vinegar Way BAKED!

FRITOS de Kilimanjaro

Big FUNYUNS

Munchin’ with the Miles Davis Quintet MUNCHOS

Sketches of Plain LAY’S

Bitches Barbeque BAKED!

Birth of the Cool Ranch DORITOS

Casual Pimpin' (MUSIC VIDEO)

Here's the much-anticipated video for my jam "Casual Pimpin'"... Crank it up & pimp it up! Please share with all your pimpin' friends! Word, Timmy E.

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

THANK YOU:  Michelle Morrison, Ben Rader, Scarlett Lillian Wilson

THE EXISTENTIAL LENS: Wake Up with Wendy

Really? I’ll admit I’ve had fantasies about waking up with Wendy. But I thought there was something wrong with me. Now Wendy’s is encouraging it! Is this a Freudian slip, or are they stooping to pedologophilia* as a marketing ploy? (Would the late Dave Thomas approve of whoring out the cartoon image of his daughter, in order to sell breakfast burritos? Maybe he would, since he didn’t mind turning her into a corporate logo. Isn’t the whole franchise built on Wendy's freckle-faced, pigtailed charm?) Not that it has to be sexual, but I sure wouldn’t mind seeing that adorable redheaded first thing in the morning, serving me a sausage and egg biscuit in bed…aaaah!

*pedologophilia: n., (psychology) the love of children, especially cute drawings of, as depicted in company logos.

THE EXISTENTIAL LENS: FedEx Koan

Fedex stands for Federal Express, right? So this means Federal Express Express. Does that mean it’s faster than regular Fedex? Or that it's not federal? Is it federal? Maybe this is some kind of Zen koan demonstrating the limits of human logic. Yeah, that’s what it is…my mind is short-circuiting and spinning into emptiness. Fedex Express. What can it mean? I’ll never know, and knowing is not the point. It means nothing...and everything. Whoa! Now I feel at peace, released from all burdens, in touch with the ultimate reality. I think I’m enlightened! Thank you, Fedex Express, for delivering me to Nirvana.

Rejected Wendy's Slogans

Here are some advertising slogans considered by Wendy’s before finding one that clicked:

What’s the Beef?

What Is Beef?

Is This Beef?

When’s the Beef?

It’s Beef Time!

Who’s Got the Beef?

Who Moved My Beef?

Who Beefed?!

How’s the Beef?

How Is This Beef?

Beef, and How!

Beef, Beef, & More Beef!

Beef is Beef

Here’s Your Beef…

Where’s the Beef at?

Beef: Where Is It?

Where’s the Beef? -- ACCEPTED