Well, I've been hard at work on this album...hoped to have it done by the NY Funny Songs Fest, but the gods said no. Will it be my Pet Sounds, or my Smile? We'll find out soon enough! Getting a lot of help from "& friends" -- the hot band Modern Beast, the multi-talented Matt Park, and a juicy guest vocal by Jessica Delfino. So, now that the word is out, I'll try to avoid the media and get back to finishing the damn thing! Until then, you can crank up the title jam...
See Tim perform stand-up @ littlefield! WATCH ON YOUTUBE
I'm hosting this show as part of the NY Funny Songs Fest - it will be funnier than Billy Joel, Frank Sinatra, & Jay-Z/Alicia Keys combined!
FRI, 5/29, 9 PM - SONGS OF NEW YORK
317 E. HOUSTON, NYC
The funniest jams that exist about the big apple. $10
Larry O’Keefe, Ben Rauch, Killy Dwyer, Alphonso Cejudo + Bill Dyszel. Hosted by Tim Ellis. Live streamed by DailyMotion.com
I know everyone’s been waiting for me to break down Deflategate. It’s like this…
Tom Brady just thought ball deflation was too stupid of a thing for people to ever care about. But Tom was wrong. He grossly underestimated the public’s capacity to care about stupid things.
So who’s stupid now, Tom?
This will be my last word on the subject, unless I think of anything else I want to say about it.
The problem with classic rock is all the outdated tech references to things like records, jukeboxes, phones that people actually answer, etc. I’ve embarked on a project to change that. For instance, this makes much more sense to a modern audience…
♫ "I love rock 'n' roll! Put a Pandora station on the wi-fi, baby!" ♫
And here’s one by Bob Seger...
♫ "Just download some old mp3s
iTunes or amazon, don’t matter to me
You can even do it illegally
I like those old time mp3s
Don’t try to get me on Spotify
I wouldn’t even give it a free try
I want my music stored locally
Still like those old time mp3s" ♫
You're welcome. So many more songs to go...
The cat sleeps with us. It’s very cozy, very intimate. But he likes to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning, and he wants us up too. He’ll poke me with his paws and climb the walls to knock the picture frames around. So we put him out of the bedroom. We make him wait until 7, but he scratches at the door. He wants us up! Why? To eat and play. He doesn’t have a big agenda, when you think about it, but he’s insistent. He already has dry food in his bowl, but he wants his wet food. He wants the grilled-salmon Fancy Feast, not the chicken Iams Proactive Health (I guess I would too). He’s scratching at the door like it’s an emergency, like a child is trapped in a well, but all he really wants is slightly better-tasting food, and for me to dangle a piece of twine for him. Like if I pounded on my neighbors’ door, yelling, “Let me in! Let me in!!!” They open the door, and I say, “You got any chips? Any cold cuts? All I have is toast and peanut butter, and I’m tired of it. Oh, and do you mind if I play a few games on your Xbox?”