I’m from Generation X, and I’ve never sent or received a dick pic. I don’t think all the Millennials understand: when I was your age, no one sent dick pics. No one even had a dick back then. Let alone the technology to send an image of it to someone instantly. Some of my friends STILL don’t have dicks. I’ll say to my buddy, NAME REMOVED, “How’s your dick? Have you been using it much?” He’ll say, “Nah, I don’t have one. I never got into it. I don’t see the point, dude.” (That’s the kind of blasé attitude people hate about Gen X'ers!) I try to tell these guys, “Look, there are a lot of things you can do with a dick. It gives you a way of connecting with people.” They’ll be like, “Nah, man, a dick is just to share with people you barely even knew in high school. I’d rather have people get to know me and not my dick. I’d rather spend my time the way I want, listening to R.E.M. and watching Wynona Ryder movies, than trying to win a popularity contest with my dick.” And I’ll be like, “You don’t even have a dick!” And he’ll just shrug. So, you see, I don’t do dick pics, and I don’t understand them, but I’m not exactly proud of my peers either. I may be Gen-X, but at least I have a dick, and I try to use it as positively and productively as I can.
CASUAL PIMPIN' (HOT REMIX!) - Song of Summer 2014! Written & performed by Tim Ellis. WATCH ON YOUTUBE
Here I am, exploiting my cat Seymour to promote Manifesto! - the show I co-host with Mo Fathelbab at People's Republic of Brooklyn (247 Smith St), every Tues at 8pm. It's the only free weekly comedy show on Smith Street! Brokelyn.com recently called our venue "a great comedy incubator," and we've moved into a cool, new downstairs space at PRB. Come be part of our comedy revolution! If the cat didn't do it for you, here's a pic from last week's show:
I live in Brooklyn where everyone is into pickling. Not me. What I do to buck this stupid trend is, I go to an outdoor market like the Brooklyn Flea and buy someone’s ridiculous handcrafted, artisanal pickles. Then I go home and remove all the vinegar, salt, and seasoning. I turn them back into cucumbers—their natural state before some hipster messed with them. It’s difficult to do, but I do it. To further right this wrong, I’ll take the cucumbers to the grocery store and secretly put them back on the shelf, where they belong. I think they’re happy, though it’s pretty hard to tell with cukes. At least I know I’ve done something to fight back against the unnecessary brining and fermentation of vegetables that everyone engages in now, just to be cool. I’ve been called “The Unpickler,” which I don’t mind.
The Tues, July 29 lineup will feature:
Lynn Bixenspan (performing in the Devil Cup at Broadway Comedy Club)
Leah Bonnema (one of Huffington Post’s “Favorite Female Comedians”)
Sam Grittner (@TonightOnGirls on Twitter)
Luke Thayer (“The Living Room” show, tours nationally)
Giulia Rozzi (VH1, Chelsea Lately, UCB Theatre)
Rob Paravonian (musical comedian, Dr. Demento & Comedy Central)
And stop by early to catch or to be a part of the free open mic THIS IS HAPPENING! The weekly mic starts at 6:00 pm (sign up at 5:30).
Directions: Take the F or G train to Carroll Street, get off at the President Street exit, walk 3 1/2 blocks down Smith (away from the park), and you're there!
Lineup is subject to change.
Ben Kronberg performed at Manifesto! on 7/22 - watch his recent set on Late Night with Seth Meyers!
Behold the new song I wrote and recorded with my band, Modern Beast. It's an ode to a legend...a sunny summer single...2 mins of AM soft-rock gold. Share the love for the Brooklyn Thong Guy!