BLOG CATEGORIES:

SEARCH timelliscomedy

Get Tim's album on iTunes! CASUAL PIMPIN': TWELVE TIGHT TUNES

See Tim perform stand-up:


 WATCH ON YOUTUBE

Entries in presidential election (7)

Wednesday
Mar092016

10 USDA Prime Trump Steaks-Related Jokes

1. You know, I think Donald Trump took “Where’s the beef?” a little too literally.
 
2. Trump said: I’m a good Christian. I loved it when Jesus did the thing with the water and the wine…and the steaks.
 
3. I don’t know if America will buy Trump Steaks, but they sure are buying Trump Bologna! (Old men out there, feel free to use that one.)
 
4. I can’t decide between the Clinton Special-Interest-Fed Filet Mignon and the Sanders Socialist Sirloin Tips (Vegan).
 
5. Waiter: May I interest you in the Jeb Bush Prime Rib? Customer: How is that prepared? Waiter: OK, we take the most expensive steak on the menu and throw it in the garbage for you. (Pause.) Please laugh.
 
6. I just found these Kasich Steak-umms in the freezer – think they’re still good?
 
7. Try the McRubio Steak Sandwich – only for a limited time.
 
8. Cruz Steaks are people!!!!!!!!!!
 
9. Do you guys like impressions? “First prize is the Republican nomination. 2nd prize is a set of Trump Steaks knives. 3rd prize is…‘you’re fired!’” – that was Arnold Schwarzenegger from Trumpgarry Trump Ross.
 
10. I’m assuming Trump Steaks are not halal, right?
 
OK, that’s my time…you guys have been great…please hire me to write for TV!
Monday
Jun222015

Official Jeb Bush T-Shirts Are Out!

Monday
Nov052012

Voter Suppression T-Shirts NEW!

EDITOR'S NOTE: These T-shirts did not work. Barack Obama was reelected as president on 11/6/12. TE

Want to look cool while preventing democracy and helping to elect Romney? Try one of these stylish t-shirts!

  

Click to read more ...

Monday
Oct222012

Romnesia (a Scary Song for Halloween)

Another election meme transmitted through me in song. This one digs deep into Mitt's psyche...its a little weird in there.

Thursday
Oct182012

Baby, Let Me Put You in a Binder (SONG)

Here's my contribution to the public discourse on Romney's "binders full of women"...

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

The internet made me do it!

Wednesday
Oct032012

Politics Are Funny

To help Barack Obama and Mitt Romney prep for their debate tonight, I've collected some of my semi-relevant, semi-political stuff in one convenient post. So read up, guys, and if you use any of my zingers, I want credit!

MY LOVE CHILD WITH THE MAID
(for Arnold Schwarzenegger, in honor of his new book and Daily Show appearance)

THERE'S NO "I" IN AYN RAND CLUB
(for Paul Ryan) 

T-SHIRTS FOR THE 47 PERCENT

T-SHIRTS FOR THE WEALTHIEST AMERICANS

KARDASHIAN NAMES OF THE PRESIDENTS
(for Karack Kobamian and Kitt Komnian)