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Friday
Feb082013

Winter Storm “Nemo” FAQs

Why does the storm have a name, when snowstorms for millennia haven’t had names?

So that the TV news can create cool graphics and comedians can write jokes based on the name. Also, #Nemo is an easier hashtag than #BlizzardOf2013.

Why is it named Nemo?

No reason.

Who named it Nemo?

The Weather Channel.

Does the Weather Channel have the authority to name storms?

Not really. They are either confused about their job, or just got bored. Their job is supposed to be reporting the weather, not naming it.

Did anyone ask the storm what its name was?

No.

Is Nemo its real name?

The storm is a meteorological phenomenon, so does not have a self or any need for a name. However, some say it answers to Keith.

How much did Disney-Pixar pay to have the storm named Nemo?

They could not be reached for comment.

Is it OK to recycle my jokes from Hurricane Sandy, which were recycled from Irene, for Nemo?

No.

Will all storms from now on, even non-hurricanes, have names?

Yes. This is what is called a paradigm shift. After today, we won’t be able to remember when storms didn’t have names. Sort of like it’s hard to remember when weekend box office receipts were not reported every Monday. It’s just something that has to be done from now on. Someday, when the final history of the world is written, the naming of Nemo will be cited as the point when humanity went off the deep end.

Is the historic blizzard Nemo related to Global Warming?

Yes.

As a species, what are we doing to stop Global Warming?

We are giving storms names.