(A script for a commercial parody that I’m too busy/lazy/technically inept to actually make.)
Shot of a young, cool-looking GUY on in front of a theater. He’s framed with eyes outside the shot -- to give him an “every guy” quality, and so that the actor playing him can be paid less. He speaks into his iPhone. Siri, the voice of the phone, answers him. Apple-y music swirls in background.
GUY: Where can I take an improv class?
SIRI: Do you mean long-form or short-form?
Cut to Guy at home.
GUY: Who was in Wet, Hot American Summer?
SIRI: I’ll look that up for you. Again.
A quick succession of shots…
GUY: How do I get on SNL?
GUY: What’s a Harold?
GUY: Is it too late to make a Shit People Say video?
Shot of Guy in coffee shop.
GUY: Add “Psychopathic Maniac” to my list of sketch group names.
SIRI: That’s not good.
SIRI: Nothing. I’ll do that for you.
Shot of Guy in bar.
GUY: How can I get a job on Fallon from my Twitter?
SIRI: If I knew, I wouldn’t be working here.
Shot of Guy in another bar.
GUY: Tell Phil and Ben I’ll be doing a set at the Laugh Hole tonight.
GUY: Oh, and tell them there’s a two-drink minimum.
SIRI: Is this a bringer? Oh, no.
Shot of Guy performing in a comedy club. He makes a joke (either about racial stereotypes, masturbation, porn, rape, AIDS, or online dating). He comments on the audience not liking the joke.
GUY: Too edgy for you?
Shot of Guy outside club.
GUY: From now on, call me “Comedy God.”
SIRI: No, I won’t. You obnoxious, unfunny human. OK?
Insert iPhone and Apple branding. Flash title in small type: “Does not reflect actual use of product.”