My Oscar Acceptance Speech

Wow…really? You picked me? I didn’t prepare a speech, ‘cause I never thought I had a chance of winning. Hey, Jack Nicholson! How's it going, Jack? I guess all I want to say is that this statue means nothing to me. I do what I do for the craft and the art and the love of it. Awards are completely meaningless, I’m sorry to tell you. I mean, a hundred years from now, no one is gonna remember who won Best Actor, or have the faintest idea who Clooney and Brad and the other nominees (sorry, I’m forgetting your names) were. OK, maybe you, Jack. In a thousand years, no one will know what a motion picture is, if the human race is even alive. In the post-global-warming wasteland, this hardware will have no value, except maybe as a weapon to club someone over the head with and steal their food.

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