BLOG CATEGORIES

SEARCH timelliscomedy

See Tim perform stand-up @ littlefield! WATCH ON YOUTUBE

Tuesday
Apr072015

My Cat Gets Up Early

The cat sleeps with us. It’s very cozy, very intimate. But he likes to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning, and he wants us up too. He’ll poke me with his paws and climb the walls to knock the picture frames around. So we put him out of the bedroom. We make him wait until 7, but he scratches at the door. He wants us up! Why? To eat and play. He doesn’t have a big agenda, when you think about it, but he’s insistent. He already has dry food in his bowl, but he wants his wet food. He wants the grilled-salmon Fancy Feast, not the chicken Iams Proactive Health (I guess I would too). He’s scratching at the door like it’s an emergency, like a child is trapped in a well, but all he really wants is slightly better-tasting food, and for me to dangle a piece of twine for him. Like if I pounded on my neighbors’ door, yelling, “Let me in! Let me in!!!” They open the door, and I say, “You got any chips? Any cold cuts? All I have is toast and peanut butter, and I’m tired of it. Oh, and do you mind if I play a few games on your Xbox?”

Friday
Mar272015

Supertramp's Keyboard

Monday
Mar162015

I'm Cool, I'm in a Band!

Check out the NEW WEBSITE of our band, Modern Beast! It features six hot tracks, two of which I wrote & sang lead on. Played rhythm guitar & sang back-up on the rest. The point is, I'm cool...I'm in a band!

Thursday
Feb122015

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

Lincoln's Birthday in NYC, 2015

Monday
Jan192015

Record-Breaking Rain in NYC - We Did It!

Just want to congratulate everyone for the record rainfall in New York City yesterday. Awesome job letting the rain fall on us, guys! Sure, we complained, but did anyone try to stop the rain? No! That's what makes this city so great - we know how to receive historic precipitation and go about our lives as New Yorkers. Special shout-out to the folks selling cheap umbrellas on the street. Sure, they are worthless pieces of crap. But you guys inspired us all to accumulate more water from the sky on a particular date, which we can all be proud of. Over 2" on 1/18/15. In New York City, baby!

Thursday
Jan012015

Hello, 2015!