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See Tim perform stand-up @ littlefield! WATCH ON YOUTUBE


Loving Myself

It's been said that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself.* That’s easy for me, because I’m really attracted to myself. Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, I’ll see my reflection in a mirror or shop window and think, “What a cool guy!” I have a lot of great qualities, if you ask me: my mind, my sense of humor (of course), nice legs. I make the best home fries, and I pretty much agree with my taste in music, across the board. Lately I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with myself, and its really rewarding. Sometimes it's hard to leave the house.

I worry that this relationship with myself is getting a little too claustrophobic, so I’ve decided to see other people. But that just makes me jealous. So I come home and bring myself cards and gifts and say things like, “I’m sorry…I’m really drawn to you, and I think I love you, but I just feel there’s more to life that I haven’t experienced besides…myself.” Then I’ll say, “How do you think that makes me feel? If you really loved me, you’d want to be with me and me alone.” I won’t know how to respond, so I’ll just say, “It’s not you…it’s me.” It’s a painful scene, but no-one said love was easy.

I’m considering marrying myself. It isn’t legal, not yet, but it should be. I’d like to buy myself a little place outside the city and settle down. I’d bring home the bacon, and when I got home, I’d do all the cooking and cleaning, and keep myself satisfied. On weekends, I could be handy around the house. Maybe I’d put up a little knick-knack shelf, and on it, I’d put a picture of -- who else? -- me. I’d be so happy.


Tom Brady Song Two Ways (Plus Blooper!)

"Tom Brady, Can You Sing?" -- a Super Bowl song for the musically nerdy. Written & performed by Tim Ellis.




In this outtake, I got Tom and Giselle mixed up. Instant blooper!


NEWS: Andy Kaufman's Funhouse @ UCBeast

Just found out a video of mine will be screened at this show on Mon., 1/30, 8 pm, at UCBeast...

Andy Kaufman's Funhouse

Andy Kaufman's legacy lives on in the next generation of performers who epitomize Andy's alternative, bizarre, and envelope-pushing sense of humor.


I plan to be at the show, if I'm not out wrestling with women.


Dispatch from the Android Occupation

In the last year, androids have taken over our city.

Click to read more ...


SONG: Tom Brady, Can You Sing?





Tom Brady, Can You Sing? by timelliscomedy

Sure, Tom Brady's great...he may be headed to another Super Bowl, he's married to a supermodel and all...but can he carry a tune?

Written by Tim Ellis. Performed by the Tim Ellis Trio, featuring Tim Ellis, "T. J." Ellis, and Timothy John Ellis. (Photo of Tom Brady: Keith Allison.)


Best of the Human Comedy, 2011

The Human Comedy of Tim Ellis will be on break for the next two weeks, but before I go...

I've decided to jump on the bandwagon of year-end lists and pick the top-ten Human Comedy posts of 2011.* Here they are, in the order in which I've typed them:

Werewolves of Brooklyn (MUSIC VIDEO)

My Vagina Monologue (VIDEO)

Mayor McCheese (SONG)

Casual Pimpin’ (SONG)

Hollywood Confidential: My Big Movie Role

T-Shirts for the Wealthiest Americans

My Love Child with the Maid

My NYC Hurricane Preparedness Kit

Beauty, Sex, & Death: A Bed & Breakfast Review

Rejected Wendy’s Slogans

*This list was selected through a highly undemocratic process, taking into account popularity, reader responses, and my own warm feelings. I only started this blog in mid-May 2011, but that's not going to stop me from making a list!