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See Tim perform stand-up @ littlefield! WATCH ON YOUTUBE



Not to rub it in, all you Notherners, but I just got back from an amazing Florida vacation. Here are some pics…

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Old Man Winter Special

This New York winter is way too harsh for me, so I'm heading to Florida for a few days. See you next week… (While I’m away, I’ll mostly be off the Internet, which is also way too harsh for me.)


My Oscar Acceptance Speech

Wow…really? You picked me? I didn’t prepare a speech, ‘cause I never thought I had a chance of winning. Hey, Jack Nicholson! How's it going, Jack? I guess all I want to say is that this statue means nothing to me. I do what I do for the craft and the art and the love of it. Awards are completely meaningless, I’m sorry to tell you. I mean, a hundred years from now, no one is gonna remember who won Best Actor, or have the faintest idea who Clooney and Brad and the other nominees (sorry, I’m forgetting your names) were. OK, maybe you, Jack. In a thousand years, no one will know what a motion picture is, if the human race is even alive. In the post-global-warming wasteland, this hardware will have no value, except maybe as a weapon to club someone over the head with and steal their food.

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Andy Kaufman's Funhouse, 2/28 @ UCBeast

Come to this show, or I will read The Great Gatsby at you!

Tuesday, February 28, 8 p.m.
@ Upright Citizens Brigade East (UCBeast)
154 E. 3rd Street, New York, NY

In this new monthly show, Andy Kaufman's legacy lives on in performers who epitomize Andy's alternative, bizarre, and envelope-pushing sense of humor. 

February lineup:

Mike Amato
Kurt Braunohler
Tim Ellis
Harrison Greenbaum
new videos
& a short film about Andy Kaufman

Tickets: $5

Info & reservations: or 212-366-9231



Best Look from Fashion Week


Loving Myself

It's been said that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself.* That’s easy for me, because I’m really attracted to myself. Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, I’ll see my reflection in a mirror or shop window and think, “What a cool guy!” I have a lot of great qualities, if you ask me: my mind, my sense of humor (of course), nice legs. I make the best home fries, and I pretty much agree with my taste in music, across the board. Lately I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with myself, and its really rewarding. Sometimes it's hard to leave the house.

I worry that this relationship with myself is getting a little too claustrophobic, so I’ve decided to see other people. But that just makes me jealous. So I come home and bring myself cards and gifts and say things like, “I’m sorry…I’m really drawn to you, and I think I love you, but I just feel there’s more to life that I haven’t experienced besides…myself.” Then I’ll say, “How do you think that makes me feel? If you really loved me, you’d want to be with me and me alone.” I won’t know how to respond, so I’ll just say, “It’s not you…it’s me.” It’s a painful scene, but no-one said love was easy.

I’m considering marrying myself. It isn’t legal, not yet, but it should be. I’d like to buy myself a little place outside the city and settle down. I’d bring home the bacon, and when I got home, I’d do all the cooking and cleaning, and keep myself satisfied. On weekends, I could be handy around the house. Maybe I’d put up a little knick-knack shelf, and on it, I’d put a picture of -- who else? -- me. I’d be so happy.