SONG: If I Were a Flower
Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 9:49AM 
If I Were a Flower (Demo) by timelliscomedy
Tim Ellis (vocals) & Matt Park (vocals, guitar). Written by Tim Ellis.
LYRICS:
If I were a flower
I’d have petals for my face
(And a stem for my body)
I wouldn’t be walkin’ around the park
I’d stay planted in one place
And I’d have no worries
No job, and nowhere to go
(Lazy little flower)
The only things on my to-do list would be
Drink water, look pretty, and grow
If I were a flower
I’d smell fresh every day
Every minute and every hour
I’d make a sunny May from April showers
The point of my existence
Would be just to reproduce
(Lucky little flower)
The bees would be buzzin’ around my head
Suckin’ out my sweet juice
Rubbin’ against my stigma
My style, and my filament
(Those are all parts of a flower)
And if I could fertilize myself
I’d be abso-freakin-lutely content
If I were a flower
I’d have both male and female parts
Every minute and every hour
I’d be gettin’ it on, if I were a flower
Protruding fronds
Velvety folds
Sticky seedpod oozing
Gently undulating tendrils
Secreting vegetable passion
Intoxicating perfume of my nectar
Then you’d come along one day
And pluck me from my roots
(Ow, that really hurt)
You’d keep me alive in water
But I wouldn’t grow any more shoots
Then I’d start to shrivel
Turn brown, and begin to decay
You’d throw me in the garbage
And I’d never see another day
Such is the life of a flower
My beauty could not last
What was sweet before turns sour
I’d be a symbol of death
If I were a flower
Reader Comments (2)
1. that photo is not photoshopped, which is both hilarious and frightening. 2. the song is very reminiscent of Flight of the Conchords, which I love. 3. love the blog. I look forward to perusing on a daily basis.
Casual Pimpin' was awesome! Tim, I didn't know you had such range of material. Glad you sent a message out that led Debbie and me to your blog.